Tag Archives: women

41: Mark Manson on Pick-Up Artists, Monogamy, Materialism, Writing, and Upping the Quality of Your Suffering

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Mark Manson is the author of the well-respected dating book “Models: Attract Women Through Honesty” that espouses honesty, self-discovery, genuine connection with like-minded human beings and… common sense as a way of life and love; we talk about materialism, death, vulnerability, rejection, demographics, self-discovery, writing rituals, etc.

Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or RSS, and check out our facebook page.

Full Audio of Interview on YouTube

Mark Manson Quotes (from Podcast)

On pick-up artist philosophy:

“Women are complex and it’s an adventure getting to know them and understand them. You can never reduce dating to an algorithm: say this, text her this many times, etc.”

On experience:

“The only way more experience with women can be bad is through the ‘paradox of choice’. If you give people two options, and they choose one, generally they will be happy with what they chose. If you give them 100 options and they choose one, then they are more likely to spend a lot of time worrying that maybe the other 99 options were better, that they missed out.”

On monogamy:

“Monogamy works for most people. What doesn’t work for most people is ’till death do us part’.  The majority of people prefer to stay with one partner at one time. What doesn’t work for the majority is being sexually monogamous with one person for 60+ years. Once you take into account the divorce rate and the infidelity rate, you end up with a small slice of the pie of people who stay faithful to one another their entire lives. A lot of people get bummed out by that idea, but this is something we have to be realistic and honest about. That said, people vary a lot.”

On demographics:

“If you want a woman with different values then you need to live a life based on different values. You can’t go spend money at a strip club and expect a girl from Sunday school to show up on a date with you.”

On writing:

“The first draft is for me. The revision is for the readers.”

On “suffering better”:

“We spend most of our lives focusing on gaining more and more positive experiences, but the quality of our lives is actually determined by our ability to handle negative experiences.”

Links

Full David Foster Wallace Quote

The following is an abridged quote from Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace that I read to close the podcast:

“If, by the virtue of charity or the circumstance of desperation, you ever chance to spend a little time around a Substance-recovery halfway facility, you will acquire many exotic new facts…That certain persons simply will not like you no matter what you do. That you do not have to like a person in order to learn from him/her/it. That loneliness is not a function of solitude. That logical validity is not a guarantee of truth. That it takes effort to pay attention to any one stimulus for more than a few seconds. That boring activities become, perversely, much less boring if you concentrate intently on them. That if enough people in a silent room are drinking coffee it is possible to make out the sound of steam coming off the coffee. That sometimes human beings have to just sit in one place and, like, hurt. That you will become way less concerned with what other people think of you when you realize how seldom they do. That there is such a thing as raw, unalloyed, agendaless kindness. That concentrating intently on anything is very hard work. That the people to be the most frightened of are the people who are the most frightened. That it takes great personal courage to let yourself appear weak. That no single, individual moment is in and of itself unendurable. That other people can often see things about you that you yourself cannot see, even if those people are stupid. That having a lot of money does not immunize people from suffering or fear. That trying to dance sober is a whole different kettle of fish. That, perversely, it is often more fun to want something than to have it. That if you do something nice for somebody in secret, anonymously, without letting the person you did it for know it was you or anybody else know what it was you did or in any way or form trying to get credit for it, it’s almost its own form of intoxicating buzz. That it is permissible to want. That everybody is identical in their unspoken belief that way deep down they are different from everyone else. That there might not be angels, but there are people who might as well be angels.”

31: Kyle Cerminara and Tim Carpenter on Wrestling, Fighting, Relationships, Honesty, and Selfies

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In episode 31, Tim and I talk with Kyle Cerminara, NCAA All-American wrestler, former wrestling coach at Edinboro University and University of Pennsylvania, professional MMA fighter about training at the Olympic Training Center, Steve Mocco, MySpace, maintaining a relationship while training and competing, Cael Sanderson, what makes an athlete world-class, world championships in jiu jitsu, physical prime, selfies, motivation, extremist personality: all or nothing, oreo cookies, cars, women, chiropractic, acupuncture, sauna, love, physical attraction, jealousy, honesty, etc.

Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or RSS, and check out our facebook page.

Quotes

Kyle on training intensity at the Olympic Training Center:

“The word ‘break’ and the word ‘overtraining’ are two things I absolutely hate.”

Tim Carpenter on what “love” is not:

“Love is not obsession, insecurity, possession. None of that is love.”

Links

Linda and David Story

The following moral dilemma is discussed on the podcast:

Linda and David love each other very much and wish to see each other.  But they have a problem.  A wide river separates them, David on one side and Linda on the other.

Steven owns the one and only boat that is capable of crossing the river.  Linda goes to him and tells of her plight.  She asks Steven if he will take her across the river in h is boat so she can see her love.  He says that he is willing, but only if she will sleep with him.  Initially, Linda says no, however, later seeing no alternative, she consents.

When Linda arrives at David’s house, she is wracked with guilt, so she tells him all that has happened.  He becomes enraged and throws Linda out of the house.

Linda happens to have a very good friend who also lives on that side of the river and goes to that friend for help, but the friend says, “I’m sorry but I don’t want to get involved,” and sends Linda on her way.

Finally, Linda tells an acquaintance, Michael, what has happened.  He gets angry and returns to David’s house with Linda.  Michael gives David a sound beating.

29: AnnMaria De Mars on Raising Ronda Rousey, Aggressive Judo, Math Education, and the Value of Hard Work

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In episode 29, I talk with AnnMaria De Mars about being the first American to win the Judo World Championship, raising four kids one of whom is Ronda Rousey the current UFC champion,  getting four degrees including a PhD in applied statistics, her book Winning on the Ground, her blog, her grandmother’s advice, the passing of her husband, the absurdity of sport, coaching an elite level athlete, balancing academics and sport, Ronda’s 2007 World Silver and Olympic Bronze and her matches against Edith Bosch, refusing to lose, being a woman in a combat sport, teaching kids math through computer games at 7 Generation Games, math (and hard work) as an important foundation for long-term success in life, and more.

Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or RSS, and check out our facebook page.

Edit: I wrote a blog post with some post-interview takeaways.

Quotes

AnnMaria on the advice her grandmother gave her:

“Do the best you can with everything you were given. She really believed that quote in the Bible: ‘To whom much is given, much is expected.'”

AnnMaria on being asked if she is afraid of death:

“No, I can think of a lot worse things than death. One of the reasons people are afraid of dying is they have regrets. They haven’t done the things they want to do. Because my husband passed away when I was young, that changed the way I thought about things. He was a great guy, worked hard his whole life. There were a lot of things he wanted to do that he never got around to doing because he always thought there would be time later. So now when I want to do something, I do it.  When I look back, I’ve had a lot of accomplishments and experiences in education, academics, I published scientific articles, I wrote a book with Jimmy Pedro Sr, I have wonderful children, so if I died right now I have no regrets. You want to live like you might die tomorrow, because you might die tomorrow.”

AnnMaria on the absurdity of dedicating years of your life to achieving a singular goal like winning a World Championship:

“You have to be smart enough to do it and dumb enough to believe it’s important.”

AnnMaria on what it takes to be successful in judo or in math or in anything:

“You get good at something by doing a lot of it.”

AnnMaria on trash talking:

“Like Dr. Seuss said, ‘Be who you are and say what you mean. Because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind!'”

AnnMaria on what will go on her tombstone:

“I’m smarter than I look.”

YouTube Version

Links

28: Kayla Harrison on Winning Olympic Gold and Overcoming Trauma

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In episode 28, I talk with Kayla Harrison, first American to win Olympic gold in judo, about her training methods, visualization, competition mindset, Olympic final experience, warm-routine, Eminem and country music, overcoming a past of sexual abuse, PTSD, finding forgiveness, finding strength in judo, being coached by Jimmy Pedro, her Team Force teammates, moving up two weight classes, strength and conditioning, going to college, writing her memoir and also a book on recovering from sexual abuse, new judo rules, serving as the IJF athlete representative, and much more.

Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or RSS, and check out our facebook page.

Quotes

Kayla on the evolution of women’s judo:

“In 26 years (since Ann Marie DeMars became the first American world champion), we’ve seen women’s judo come a long long way. I’m very fortunate that I had pioneers like Ann Marie and Rusty Kanokogi and women like that who paved the way to allow me to pursue my dreams.”

Kayla on what was going on through her mind as she was stepping on the mat at the Olympics:

“I don’t know if I’ll ever forget that day. I was just a psycho. (Lol). I am very big on visualization. Before the Olympics even occurred I visualized that day a thousand time in my mind. I would go over it and over it and over it. And I would tell myself: ‘Kayla Harrison, Olympic Champion. This is my day. This is my purpose.’ And all that day, Jimmy (Pedro) was chirping in my head: ‘Do you want this more? Have you worked harder? No one deserves this more than you. You’re Kayla Harrison, Olympic Champion.’ “

Kayla giving credit for her success to her coaches:

“In order to be a great coach, you can’t be an athlete’s friend. He’s not afraid to make me cry. They are not afraid to light that fire, and tell me when I’m wrong. They are not afraid to push me when I need to be pushed, and pull back when I need to pull back. They don’t really care if I like them. I do, but they don’t really care either way.”

Kayla on whether fear/doubt enters her mind in competition:

“When I was younger I used to be pretty scared. I was more afraid of losing than I was willing to win. And when you’re afraid to lose, you don’t compete,  you don’t show up, you just worry about losing. Through the years, through experience, and just literally competing in every single tournament on the face of the Earth, I started to get into a habit… One of the things I’ve heard before and that I completely agree with is: ‘Success breeds success.’ When I start to win and I get on that roll, I don’t question myself, I don’t doubt myself. If you look at that video of me on the day of the Olympics, every match, even the one I was losing, I was losing my quarterfinal to a girl I’ve never beaten before, at no point did I question myself. I don’t know, I was a psycho. I thought I was going to win, and damned if I wasn’t going to go out there and do it. I trained too hard, worked too long, sacrificed too much, been away from my family too long to lose.”

Kayla talking about losing a match at the 2011 World championships:

Failure is my fuel. If you beat me, I’m going to sleep that night thinking about ripping your arm off.

YouTube Audio-Only Version

Links

10: Angela Vogel on Women in Jiu Jitsu, Pastry Grips, and Game of Thrones

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josh-vogel-angela-vogel-podcastIn episode 10, Josh and I talk to Angela Vogel about women in jiu jitsu, Game of Thrones, being married to a black belt, warrior queens, Zenobia, working as a pastry chef, spider-man, knee cut pass, dieting, starting jiu jitsu, dance parties, country songs,  teaching with a focus on transitions, etc.

Subscribe on iTunes or RSS, and check out the facebook page.

Quotes

Angela  on approaching jiu jitsu with confidence:

“Your personality comes out in your jiu jitsu.”

Josh on ignoring belt colors:

“Don’t worry about the belt color, just pretend that everyone you’re rolling with is a white belt. I try to do that with my teachers. I try to pretend like they’re white belts and they still fuck me up but at least I don’t get in my own way.”

Links

YouTube Version