Tag Archives: death

41: Mark Manson on Pick-Up Artists, Monogamy, Materialism, Writing, and Upping the Quality of Your Suffering

Play

mark-manson-take-it-uneasy-podcast-interview

Mark Manson is the author of the well-respected dating book “Models: Attract Women Through Honesty” that espouses honesty, self-discovery, genuine connection with like-minded human beings and… common sense as a way of life and love; we talk about materialism, death, vulnerability, rejection, demographics, self-discovery, writing rituals, etc.

Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or RSS, and check out our facebook page.

Full Audio of Interview on YouTube

Mark Manson Quotes (from Podcast)

On pick-up artist philosophy:

“Women are complex and it’s an adventure getting to know them and understand them. You can never reduce dating to an algorithm: say this, text her this many times, etc.”

On experience:

“The only way more experience with women can be bad is through the ‘paradox of choice’. If you give people two options, and they choose one, generally they will be happy with what they chose. If you give them 100 options and they choose one, then they are more likely to spend a lot of time worrying that maybe the other 99 options were better, that they missed out.”

On monogamy:

“Monogamy works for most people. What doesn’t work for most people is ’till death do us part’.  The majority of people prefer to stay with one partner at one time. What doesn’t work for the majority is being sexually monogamous with one person for 60+ years. Once you take into account the divorce rate and the infidelity rate, you end up with a small slice of the pie of people who stay faithful to one another their entire lives. A lot of people get bummed out by that idea, but this is something we have to be realistic and honest about. That said, people vary a lot.”

On demographics:

“If you want a woman with different values then you need to live a life based on different values. You can’t go spend money at a strip club and expect a girl from Sunday school to show up on a date with you.”

On writing:

“The first draft is for me. The revision is for the readers.”

On “suffering better”:

“We spend most of our lives focusing on gaining more and more positive experiences, but the quality of our lives is actually determined by our ability to handle negative experiences.”

Links

Full David Foster Wallace Quote

The following is an abridged quote from Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace that I read to close the podcast:

“If, by the virtue of charity or the circumstance of desperation, you ever chance to spend a little time around a Substance-recovery halfway facility, you will acquire many exotic new facts…That certain persons simply will not like you no matter what you do. That you do not have to like a person in order to learn from him/her/it. That loneliness is not a function of solitude. That logical validity is not a guarantee of truth. That it takes effort to pay attention to any one stimulus for more than a few seconds. That boring activities become, perversely, much less boring if you concentrate intently on them. That if enough people in a silent room are drinking coffee it is possible to make out the sound of steam coming off the coffee. That sometimes human beings have to just sit in one place and, like, hurt. That you will become way less concerned with what other people think of you when you realize how seldom they do. That there is such a thing as raw, unalloyed, agendaless kindness. That concentrating intently on anything is very hard work. That the people to be the most frightened of are the people who are the most frightened. That it takes great personal courage to let yourself appear weak. That no single, individual moment is in and of itself unendurable. That other people can often see things about you that you yourself cannot see, even if those people are stupid. That having a lot of money does not immunize people from suffering or fear. That trying to dance sober is a whole different kettle of fish. That, perversely, it is often more fun to want something than to have it. That if you do something nice for somebody in secret, anonymously, without letting the person you did it for know it was you or anybody else know what it was you did or in any way or form trying to get credit for it, it’s almost its own form of intoxicating buzz. That it is permissible to want. That everybody is identical in their unspoken belief that way deep down they are different from everyone else. That there might not be angels, but there are people who might as well be angels.”

40: Rory Miller on Violence, Self Defense, Social Conditioning, and Fear of Death

Play

take-it-uneasy-rory-miller-interview-violence-self-defense

Rory Miller has 17 years of experience working in maximum security detentions, booking, and mental health facilities; for 14 months he was an adviser to the Iraqi Corrections System, working in Baghdad; he is the author of several books Meditations on Violence; we talk about self-defense, the false assumptions martial artists make about violence, breaking the “freeze” response, fear of death, fear of embarrassment, how a criminal thinks, Steven Pinker, the decline of violence in the world, the power of violence, human nature, and much more.

Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or RSS, and check out our facebook page.

Full Audio of Interview on YouTube

Rory Miller Quotes (from Podcast)

“One of the problems with martial arts, especially if you want that martial art to make you feel safe for self defense, is that people want answers. People want to feel comfortable having answers. But there is nothing out there that’s an answer to all the bad things that could happen.”

“It’s not uncommon to spend 5, 10, 20 years for a martial artist to study what to do when a bad guy attacks him, and yet spend absolutely no time studying how bad guys actually attack in reality. I only see that in martial arts. There is no way you would ever go to a medical doctor and he would say that he has never bothered to study diseases or injury, he just focused on studying surgical techniques and drugs.”

“No one remembers their training until after the first 3-5 encounters.”

“If someone (who is not dealing with violence as part of their job) had to use serious self-defense skills five or more times, they need to make better lifestyle choices.”

“There are four ways that things get into your head: teaching, training, condition, and play.”

“A lot of times what we are training and what we are conditioning are working against each other, and it’s the conditioning that comes out in a fight first.”

“People who play hard have a huge edge over people who don’t play hard but pretend that they do.”

“Death is an inevitability. The world has a 100% mortality rate. No one gets out alive. A lot of the self and ego that people get defensive over is a wisp of smoke anyway.”

“In infinite universe, everybody is wrong, just accept that. If you can just start there, it gives you a lot of freedom to learn and to make things better, because then you’re not trying to making things right, you’re just trying to make them better.”

“Most of the mistakes that people make in a fight aren’t because they are afraid of dying, but because they’re afraid of looking stupid, they’re afraid of being embarrassed.”

“Everything involved in self-defense is breaking a social taboo. We don’t usually yell at strangers. We definitely don’t hit strangers. Even guys who practice martial arts all the time. We’re hitting friends, people we know, not strangers.”

“I believe everyone is a natural fighter, but we’ve been conditioned not to be.”

“Part of being good is exerting will when nature wants you to be bad, when nature wants you to eat the weak, to say: not today, I don’t need to do that, I’m not going to.”

“Violence works. The rarer it is, the better it works.”

Links

29: AnnMaria De Mars on Raising Ronda Rousey, Aggressive Judo, Math Education, and the Value of Hard Work

Play

annmaria-de-mars-interview-podcast-take-it-uneasy-smaller

In episode 29, I talk with AnnMaria De Mars about being the first American to win the Judo World Championship, raising four kids one of whom is Ronda Rousey the current UFC champion,  getting four degrees including a PhD in applied statistics, her book Winning on the Ground, her blog, her grandmother’s advice, the passing of her husband, the absurdity of sport, coaching an elite level athlete, balancing academics and sport, Ronda’s 2007 World Silver and Olympic Bronze and her matches against Edith Bosch, refusing to lose, being a woman in a combat sport, teaching kids math through computer games at 7 Generation Games, math (and hard work) as an important foundation for long-term success in life, and more.

Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or RSS, and check out our facebook page.

Edit: I wrote a blog post with some post-interview takeaways.

Quotes

AnnMaria on the advice her grandmother gave her:

“Do the best you can with everything you were given. She really believed that quote in the Bible: ‘To whom much is given, much is expected.'”

AnnMaria on being asked if she is afraid of death:

“No, I can think of a lot worse things than death. One of the reasons people are afraid of dying is they have regrets. They haven’t done the things they want to do. Because my husband passed away when I was young, that changed the way I thought about things. He was a great guy, worked hard his whole life. There were a lot of things he wanted to do that he never got around to doing because he always thought there would be time later. So now when I want to do something, I do it.  When I look back, I’ve had a lot of accomplishments and experiences in education, academics, I published scientific articles, I wrote a book with Jimmy Pedro Sr, I have wonderful children, so if I died right now I have no regrets. You want to live like you might die tomorrow, because you might die tomorrow.”

AnnMaria on the absurdity of dedicating years of your life to achieving a singular goal like winning a World Championship:

“You have to be smart enough to do it and dumb enough to believe it’s important.”

AnnMaria on what it takes to be successful in judo or in math or in anything:

“You get good at something by doing a lot of it.”

AnnMaria on trash talking:

“Like Dr. Seuss said, ‘Be who you are and say what you mean. Because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind!'”

AnnMaria on what will go on her tombstone:

“I’m smarter than I look.”

YouTube Version

Links

15: Jooyoung Lee on Gunshot Victims, Near-Death Experience, Popping, and Swimming

Play

jooyoung-lee-gun-shot-victims-take-it-uneasy-podcast-blog

In episode 15, Tim Carpenter and I talk to Jooyoung Lee, an assistant professor of sociology at University of Toronto, purple belt in BJJ, pop-locker, and former D1 swimmer. We talk about his 2 years in Philadelphia studying gunshot victims, 5 years in California studying hip hop artists in search of fame, the positive and negative changes after a near-death experience, the shame of disfigurement, gun violence in society, Donohue Levitt hypothesis, popping, locking, Tick a Lott, swimming, squeaky dog toys, and much more.

Subscribe on iTunes or RSS, and check out the facebook page.

Quotes

Jooyoung on interviewing victims of gun violence:

“If you ask questions that begin with ‘How’ you get a long story. But if you ask questions with ‘Why’ you usually get a short response that’s almost moralistic. People want to give you a good reason, instead of telling you the story.”

Tim on what drives him:

“There’s times you’ll do stuff that’s against your nature because it’ll make you some money, but overall I’ve never lost sight of who I was.  I never tried to get famous. That was never a goal. I like helping people. I like seeing improvement, in myself and in other people. It’s cool to make money but it’s not what drives me.”

Jooyoung recollecting on an old conversation about why jiu jitsu is a fascinating sport:

“Jiu jitsu is a weird sport because you train until the point that you could kill somebody or seriously maim them, and then you tap and you shake hands and you start over.”

Tim on jiu jitsu as a source of the much-needed sense of danger:

“Living today, there’s no real threat. There’s not a threat of death really anywhere unless you live in one of the horrible areas where there’s gunshots all the time. Just a normal person walking around doesn’t have to worry about death. That’s one of the things that gets people into doing jiu jitsu is you get a taste of danger.”

Links

YouTube Version

12: Ricardo Migliarese on the Lion and the Fox

Play

ricardo-migliarese-take-it-uneasy-podcastIn episode 12, Tim and I talk to Ricardo Migliarese, 3rd degree BJJ black belt, head instructor of Balance Studios in Philadelphia. Ricardo talks about growing up in Philly, bullying, parenting, ADHD medication, the education system, the influence of his father and his recent passing, his close relationship with his brother Phil, how he and Tim met, Tim’s first words, the Hellfish International In-House tournament, competing at Worlds and Pan Ams, going for submissions, explosiveness, recovering from injury, competition training, not taking things too seriously, serving the role of a psychiatrist, the 100 rep workout, and all throughout Machiavelli’s The Prince, the lion, the fox, the gorilla, the orangutan, and the turtle.

Subscribe on iTunes or RSS, and check out the facebook page.

Video Clips

Quotes

Ricardo on his simple rule for success and happiness:

“There’s two things you get to do in life: things you want to do and things you don’t want to do. And I advise always to do the things you don’t want to do first, so you can enjoy the things that you want to do.”

Tim Carpenter on the early days of his friendship with Ricardo:

“I don’t like anybody when I first meet them. Everybody starts off at zero. You got to build your way up.”

Ricardo  on  the role that explosiveness has in his jiu jitsu:

“You never see a race car driver use the nitro straight off the bat. It’s futile to do that. You start a match, you slow it down, and at the right time when you need it, use it… When used correctly, it becomes a valid weapon.”

Links

YouTube Version